I am now a blahger

I have decided to start a blog.  This way, when I make some vague reference to my daily adventures and people give me the "huh?" look, I can say, in my most acidic tone "What?  Didn't you read about it in my blog?"  Come on, you know you're guilty, you've all said it to me at least once.  And no, I probably didn't read your blog, and after you read mine (which you better, I am going to ask you) you will understand why.

I have chosen, for my first topic of discussion, to discuss my keys.  Keys, you may say?  Yes, keys. My keyring, with the keys to our cars, house and mailbox are my first topic of blogdum.  How can keys be worthy of such a topic, when you have so many interesting children, you ask?  Well, the curious case of the keys revolves around my children.

This case of the keys begins with moving into our new house on December 30, 2008.  We were very excited... it is a proud moment when you finally quit living like college students and buy a place to put your shoes/kids/money.  I was very happy with the positive direction our lives were taken until the moving van was about 80% unloaded.  Then, the unthinkable happened. Our beautiful, memory-foam-pillow-top queen sized mattress set did not fit around the bend in the stairs!!!!  Imagine the horror.  After much pushing, shoving and half the Elders quorums cumulative efforts, we were able to get the mattress up, and left the box springs a widower downstairs.  The next day we waved goodbye to the box, as it left home for the first time, tied to the top of a jeep.  It was a sad moment, for from then on, we were reduced to sleeping on our mattress, on the floor!

Last Saturday, I decided enough was enough, and being She-ra, Princess of Power, I took all of the kids with me to Ikea, where I purchased a new bed that does not require a box springs. This proved to be an ugly ordeal, because, being a frugal new homeowner, I bought the bed fully assembled in the "as-is" section, had to cart it through Ikea fully assembled on flat carts (this was fun, keep in mind the three children), disassemble the bed (keep in mind the three children), get the bed to the car (remember the three children), fit the car in the van (are you still thinkin about those kids?) and drive it home.  Did I mention I was alone with three screaming kids? 

When I finally got home, I kind of threw my purchases in the house, to get ready for the company we were having over for dinner.  Luckily, Jared was able to get the bed out of the van and assemble it for me (no more nights on the floor for me, thank you!)  

The next day, I foggily remember dismissing the idea of getting my keys, as Jared was driving to church.  The following day was President's Day, which we had laid aside as painting day.  You see, for the last six weeks we had been living in a kaleidoscope.  Each wall of our home was a different color, beautiful shades of mustard, salmon, mint and lemon. Monday Jared got the walls mudded, we sanded, we taped, we laid ground cover and we primed.

Monday, Joshua threw up.  A lot.  Luckily, when Joshua throws up, it is not such a big deal (for me).  He throws up in the toilet, brushes his teeth, washes his face, and tells me after the fact. So in spite of the fact that on Monday, he was in grave pain, this did not effect our progress as far as painting goes.

Tuesday was a fun day.  Again, I was She-ra.  Jared went back to work, and I was left with one barfing child, two healthy children, and a house full of painting tape and drop cloths.  There is only one thing left to do when you have a house full of children and no way to use the house: you get the job done.  Tuesday,  I did everything in my power to keep those children corralled upstairs, while I...... painted downstairs!  All by myself, I did.  Two coats, covering the walls a beautiful new shade of silver sage (notice how we couldn't get away from the food names for paint?)  

Wednesday was even better than Tuesday, because... Claire threw up!  A lot.  And not in the toilet.  Wednesday I repainted some walls, cleaned up the paint mess, moved all the furniture back to where it belonged (again, She-ra!) and did about six loads of laundry, all on about 5 hours of disjointed sleep.  Disjointed, I say, because Claire started her barfing escapades in the middle of the night.  I will call it quarterly barfing, because if a night is 8 hours, she did it about every two.  Did I mention that I still had to keep all three kids upstairs all day, unsupervised?  Guess what my upstairs was looking like after three days of unsupervised children?

Thursday, you guessed it, James threw up.  And out the other end too.   Poor James, he was sick until yesterday (Wednesday).  I spent Thursday doing laundry.  And more laundry. Thursday night, I decided to go to the Pharmacy and buy the poor baby some relief (I must have a favorite: notice how it took James to get sick before I went to the pharmacy).  I conducted a ten second search for my keys, and when I couldn't find them, I took Jareds, as any good wife will do.  Thus begins the story of the keys.

Here's where the story gets fun.  Friday, Joshua's school called, saying he wasn't feeling well.  I thought "Well, duh, he is recovering from a nasty stomach virus!"  but I went and got him.  Luckily, Jared had left me his copy of the van key.  Joshua surprised me by not having an upset stomach, but by coughing!  Luckily, his coughing never progressed into anything, but Saturday night I was coughing, and Sunday...... (think da da da DA) I HAD THE FLU!  So much for my She-ra efforts of last week.  I have spent the last four days in a stupor (yes, more than normal!) This is why I am writing a midnight.  The fever is about gone, but I have spent the last few days sleeping around the clock (again, with unsupervised children, so picture my house!)

So, to finish with the keys.  They have now been missing for a week and a half.  We have torn the house apart with the painting, barfing, and uncaged children.  I am sure James had something to do with their mysterious disappearance, but he won't fess up: it would help if he could say more than baby and cookie.  Today Jared went to his beloved Home Depot to have another key to the van made, because we are down to only one key (NOT SAFE!)

Imagine our shock and dismay when the key didn't work.  And not for the obvious reason, being lack of proficiency of the Home Depot staff.  The key has a chip in it!  This is an old, rickety minivan, not a Lexus, and I have to pay $200 for a new key from the dealer.  I am not even going to ask for the price of the remote.  I can't even buy this off ebay.  Heaven help me, after all of this, the key is going to be the thing to make me cry!