Tonight I was bending over the tub giving Daniel a bath when Claire came in. She said "Mommy, I think you've been having too many desserts. Your bum is getting bigger." I said "Claire, do you think I'm fat?" She replied "I will never say that, it's not very nice. I just think you're getting a whole lot bigger." My self esteem is taking a serious hit. I dealt with it by having a large piece of toffee and washing it down with ginger ale.

I feel a HUGE amount of relief today. Joshy has been throwing up for about three weeks, so Jared and I finally decided he needed a MRI. He went in at 6:00 am, and at 10:00 we got results back: everything looks good! I was starting to feel very sure that something was wrong, and as a result, I was panicking!!!! It was real, true panic. I felt feelings I hadn't felt in a long time and hoped that I would never, ever feel again. Last night our home teacher came and helped Jared give Joshua a blessing. I had told myself the entire day that after the blessing I would put Joshua to bed, and then I could fall apart. No sooner had I sent him upstairs then the phone rang. I was on the verge of hysteria, but I decided to answer it anyway. It ended up being none other than Daniel Miller, beloved bishop of my youthdom. If there was anyone I would have liked to talk to at that moment, it was him! He said he felt like he needed to call me! It's not like he calls me a lot (read: ever), so this was a true miracle. He really helped me to feel peace and calmness in what seemed like an impossible moment. It is a miracle to me how much the Lord knows us, knows our needs, and knows what's best for us. He even knew exactly who to inspire to call me in a moment when I really needed it.

So now Joshua is okay and I can start celebrating Christmas. Instead of going through the motions to distract myself, I am finally excited. Happy even. Joyous to have the opportunity to spend Christmas with my family. Ecstatic. All the stress is melted away, and I feel peace. Even my large behind doesn't bother me (actually, I have noticed that benches and hard chairs are no longer agony, so there are bonuses!)

Claire has two best friends at school, identical twins whose names are (and I'm not kidding) Betty and Betsy. Betsy was in her class last year, and Betty is this year. Additionally, Betty and Betsy live down the street, and the three of them LOVE play dates.

Here is the problem: Betty and Betsy's parents do not speak English. It's not even like they speak Spanish - it's Vietnamese, so I can't even muddle through it. Betty or Betsy is always calling and asking Claire to come over, so I take her over there. I have to assume that it's okay with parents, and also have the children tell me when to pick her up. Today the answer was "four fifty o'clock." After some internal debate, I finally decided that 4:15 was more likely than 4:50.

So Claire came home today and announced that Betty and Betsy's mother doesn't like her. She was quite matter of fact about it, the twins told her. She said it was okay, because not everyone has to like her. She said the twins' father likes her though. I really wish I had Claire's self-confidence. If, at six years old, my friend had announced that her mother didn't like me, I would have been devastated. I would have stressed over it and wondered what I had done. Not Claire. Or at least not that she's saying.

It is surprisingly hard, as a parent, to hear that someone dislikes my child. I feel quite bad about it. I am trying to look at it objectively, that as a Vietnamese woman, Claire would be very foreign in thoughts, ideas and culture, and this might be very difficult in a home still very Vietnamese. In other words, I am trying not to take it personally. But since I cannot communicate with the family, I may very well be offensive myself. Who knows? I guess it's not worth stressing over.

Okay, so here's Joshua's list (there are actually two, but here's the shorter one):

Spi Gear

Slat Lake Temple 3-D puzzl

Hampster = boy= blak

Hampster cage

Meaga Cart

Star Wars book year by year

bunny

hamdrgrs

fake gun and handofs = tow (I think he means two, he wants to handcuff Claire and James both)

evrey lego star wars set

Notice I have preserved his original and adorable spelling (yes, only a mother could think that's adorable, but I sure do!) Now I am off to amazon to find the puzzle, as I promised him this summer I would get it. I forgot, he didn't!

My kids are so, so excited for Christmas. Bouncing off the walls excited. Running in circles excited. I am excited just because they are so excited. Boy, are they going to be disappointed when they realize all they're getting is ..... clothes.

I am the meanest, worst mother. Joshy and Claire are both going through HUGE growth spurts. Claire, who has more clothes than she is able to wear, suddenly has no clothes. Everything is too short. Her sleeves are above her wrists and her tummy is showing. Her skirts and dresses barely cover her bum. And these are the clothes I just bought for the new school year. Maddening!!!!! So she is getting a whole new wardrobe for Christmas, and not much else (at least from me!)

Joshua is having the same problem. He is getting clothes as well. At least Claire is interested, but for Joshua, it is basically just something to open. I remember when he was turning 4 he asked me to please please please not give him clothes for his birthday, because I buy him clothes all the time anyway. I have tried to listen, but after a few very expensive years, he is getting clothes.

Joshua is an odd child: last year, he asked Santa for a Christmas tree. Then he was very upset because Jared and I bought one - what would Santa give him now? He begged us not to get a tree, because Santa was bringing it. This year, he had an equally funny list (although, this year it was rather lengthy). If I weren't so tired, I would go get the list and put it here - maybe tomorrow. Some things on his list were: a real hampster and a real cage for his class at school, because all the kids want a pet; a mini refrigerator; anything for his own kitchen; a remote control helicopter with a camcorder on it, so he can follow a cute girl home from school; a real tree house; star wars sheets and pillows; etc. I will have to get the whole list. It really cracked me up!

Claire wants anything for her American Girl doll. Santa is bringing her doll a chair. Hopefully that will appease her. Jamesy asked Santa for a nerf gun. Joshua asked Santa for anything for his own kitchen - he is getting a Star Wars apron and a kids cookbook. I am very excited to see all the children open their gifts (at least the gifts from everyone else - there will be some major eye rolling by about the fourth shirt each!)

Addendum: I just have to add this. I am finishing downloading pictures from my camera to the computer, and I realized the children got hold of the camera. I have several pictures of cheeks, and I do not mean the cheeks on faces.

I was putting the kids in bed and Joshua said "Oh no, James! We forgot to make mischevious plans for bedtime! Do you want to play the book game or the pillow game? Or just do something to Claire? What about throw things in Daniel's crib?"

I am feeling the weight of the world crashing down today. It seems like everything happens at once. So this has happened in the last week: here it is, Christmas time. And I had a good friend, a parent of another sick child, die from a tragic accident. Then (and this one is REALLY unbelievable) my neighbor, whom I always considered a friend, threw her baby grandaughter off a bridge, killing her. I spent all day Tuesday in numb shock, fighting off the media at my front door, then mentally practacing all the things I needed to tell the police. Just to make things more interesting, we got the results back from Joshua's neuropsych evaluation. It was nothing unexpected (thankfully), but now I have a list of SEVEN specialists that we need to see, plus all the regular doctors. I am feeling inadequate to do all this, not to mention that since I have done it before, I know exactly how much work it is going to be.

What happened to get married, buy a cute house with a picket fence, have lots of babies and have my biggest worry be what to make for dinner????