Tonight I was bending over the tub giving Daniel a bath when Claire came in. She said "Mommy, I think you've been having too many desserts. Your bum is getting bigger." I said "Claire, do you think I'm fat?" She replied "I will never say that, it's not very nice. I just think you're getting a whole lot bigger." My self esteem is taking a serious hit. I dealt with it by having a large piece of toffee and washing it down with ginger ale.

I feel a HUGE amount of relief today. Joshy has been throwing up for about three weeks, so Jared and I finally decided he needed a MRI. He went in at 6:00 am, and at 10:00 we got results back: everything looks good! I was starting to feel very sure that something was wrong, and as a result, I was panicking!!!! It was real, true panic. I felt feelings I hadn't felt in a long time and hoped that I would never, ever feel again. Last night our home teacher came and helped Jared give Joshua a blessing. I had told myself the entire day that after the blessing I would put Joshua to bed, and then I could fall apart. No sooner had I sent him upstairs then the phone rang. I was on the verge of hysteria, but I decided to answer it anyway. It ended up being none other than Daniel Miller, beloved bishop of my youthdom. If there was anyone I would have liked to talk to at that moment, it was him! He said he felt like he needed to call me! It's not like he calls me a lot (read: ever), so this was a true miracle. He really helped me to feel peace and calmness in what seemed like an impossible moment. It is a miracle to me how much the Lord knows us, knows our needs, and knows what's best for us. He even knew exactly who to inspire to call me in a moment when I really needed it.

So now Joshua is okay and I can start celebrating Christmas. Instead of going through the motions to distract myself, I am finally excited. Happy even. Joyous to have the opportunity to spend Christmas with my family. Ecstatic. All the stress is melted away, and I feel peace. Even my large behind doesn't bother me (actually, I have noticed that benches and hard chairs are no longer agony, so there are bonuses!)