Today I went outside and all chaos reigned. I helped a friend get to her car and ended up talking at the curb for a half hour. When I got inside, the phone was ringing, Daniel was shoving a granola bar in his mouth, James was crying, and Joshy and Claire swarmed me at the door.

The phone call was Jared. He was wondering where I had been. The children had panicked because they didn't know where I was so they called daddy at work. Jared was annoyed that I had abandoned post and worried the kids. The kids had looked outside and hadn't seen me, so they told James that I had probably been stung by a killer bee and was dead. James was extremely upset by this idea.... Claire was emotional.... Joshua was entertained.... Daniel was covered in chocolate.

My house looks like it was hit by both an earthquake and a hurricane. Wait - it was! However, this has little to do with the absolute state of disaster. Our basement DID flood, and everything is thrown around down there. Because of this, I can't put away the things out of place upstairs. We returned from 5 weeks of vacation with quite the accumulation of STUFF. I would be more specific, but I am not exactly sure what the stuff is. I just know that my house is tiny and there is absolutely no place to put the stuff. We are lucky to find places for the stuff we use every day, so extra stuff sits out and taunts me with things like "Well, here I am. You must want me because you paid good money for me. I bet you didn't think about where you're going to put me. So just stare at me with huge amounts of annoyance because now I'm homeless and you trip over me every time you walk in the room!" Seriously, I feel like the stuff is really saying that....

I guess, in all the frustration about the mess, I can be thankful that at least I didn't get stung by a killer bee and left alone to die in the front yard.

I think I might be in Paris. I cannot be completely sure, for any moment I may wake to find myself dreaming in my bed at home. However, I am feeling pretty certain that I am indeed in Paris!

I arrived Wednesday morning after a very pleasant flight. I am here visiting friends, and Doug picked me up at the airport. All the way to their apartment I was in denial - am I really here? Am I really experiencing this?

I felt badly about leaving my children (I will be here for three weeks), but Claire, ever wise, pointed out that "You can't miss my ONCE IN A LIFETIME opportunity." I do miss them, but we have stayed so busy in Paris (and eaten so well) it has helped to ease my pain.

Wednesday was a quiet and restful day. After arriving and greeting everyone, I had to take a nap. When I arose, we walked along the Champs Elyse. Paris is having an unseasonably cold streak, and as we walked the clouds burst and we were showered with a cold rain - we didn't stay out long. I am actually very thankful for the cold streak - home was unbearably hot, and Paris' 70 degree days have been wonderful!

Thursday was my birthday, and it was unbelievable. I mean that literally - I don't know how I would ever beat this birthday. We started off the morning strolling a real Parisian market - I drooled over the cheese selection. Jen bought several cheeses for fondue that night. We then took the boys to a playground at the foot of the Eiffel Tower, where Jen and I bought crepes and baguette sandwiches and picnicked while the boys played. I then walked to the Eiffel tower and gawked at its glorious underbelly. We shopped as we walked home - I wish I spoke French so that I could communicate better; thankfully, Jen is a wonderful translator. I am not sure why the pharmacies fascinate me so much. I think its because I am fascinated by how the French really live, and seeing what they buy is an insight into who they are. I have to stop in every pharmacy I see!

Thursday night Jen made fondue, a tradition we started back in Virginia. We had always discussed how fun it would be to eat fondue in Switzerland, but France is good enough for me. I licked out the pan and fondue pot. I could eat Jen's cooking every day. After dinner, in addition to making me a chocolate mousse cheesecake, Jen took me out to dessert at Laduree, a swanky, historic, chic restaurant on the Champs Elysee. We started our meal upstairs, in a room straight out of a Louis XIV movie, but had to move downstairs when we found out the room was only for meals. It was fine with me, as I was able to see a second part of the awesome restaurant. I ended up getting chocolate mousse topped with a chocolate macaroon (macaroons are the restaurants' specialty!) It was an unreal experience.

After dessert we took a train to the Eiffel Tower to see it light up at 10 pm. Not only did it light up, but for the first five minutes of the hour it sparkled all over! I really, really felt like I might actually be in Paris as I watched the Eiffel Tower come aglow. I went to bed with a HUGE smile on my face!

Friday was Disneyland! After Doug got off work, we drove to Disney. Having just been to Disney World, I was curious as to how this would compare - it passed the test. We had a great time! We saw the Tarzan show, had a good dinner, rode lots of rides and enjoyed our time together. We even had a bit of an adventure when Pirates of the Caribbean broke down mid-ride! After more than a half hour, a worker finally came, then was surprised that no one had come to help us!!!! We were safely evacuated, and had a good laugh at the experience. We stayed at Disney to see the fireworks at the end of the night - it truly is magical. Disney does things with a bang.

Today we explored an old town called Chartres. We went to a 12th century cathedral so massive it was the inspiration for Notre Dame. The village specialized in stained glass, so the stained glass in the cathedral is breathtaking. However, the most inspiring part to me was the restoration taking place within the cathedral. As with all old cathedrals, the inside was black with soot. Some of the wings had completed restoration, and the walls and ceiling were shining white! Being white, the light through the stained glass shown all around and illuminated the building. It was breathtaking. I also felt inspired knowing, as I put my hand on a column, that I was touching something done by an artisan almost 1000 years ago! Their work has survived time, modernization, cultural changes, and is still relevant and beautiful. Not many people achieve that, and it was very inspiring. I feel the need to return to Chartres in 5 years and see the whole cathedral renovated to its original glory.

After the cathedral, we took a trolley-like tour through the old section of town. Knowing that homes have been inhabited for hundreds and hundreds of years is fascinating! I was admiring a Tudor style house before realizing it's not Tudor style, it's actual Tudor! That is very cool. I enjoyed an apple and cheese covered pastry at the town square. I loved it, but it has not replaced my favorite, pan au chocolat! I am loving all this great food and company, and I don't know how I am going to live without it!

For as much as I talk about perspective, sometimes I really struggle with it! I made the mistake of house hunting online... I am always happy(ish) with what I have until I see what someone else has or what I think I should have.

I have decided that it would be nice to have a bigger house. I drive through nice neighborhoods and dream about it. Now I am trying to talk myself down. Would having a huge house mean that it would magically stay clean? It would just mean that I would have more area to clean up. Would having a gourmet kitchen suddenly make my cooking edible? Doubtful! I keep reminding myself that I did better with laundry in my last apartment, because the washer and dryer were right by the bedrooms, and only a few feet from the TV where I fold laundry. Now that I have a nice laundry room in the basement, I never do laundry. So the laundry room I dreamed of is biting me in the tucas! I am sure my other dreams would be equally anticlimatic (except a garage! How awesome would it be to always have a convenient place to park? No more parallel parking on the street, praying no one takes my spot while I'm gone... that dream truly would be awesome.)

It doesn't help my pity party that my children, even my four year old, ask why we live in such a small house. I try not to complain to them, and to always be positive and thankful for our wonderful home, because I truly am. However, when they ask why so-and-so, who have less children, have a huge house with a park behind it, I realize that they are growing up. They could probably use a "park" behind our house to run around. They could probably use some personal space. Heck, I could use some personal space!!!

I was feeling sorry for myself tonight, so I decided to look at the ward directory to see where everyone lives and pick out my ideal home location. I felt more and more discouraged until I saw a family in our stake that just lost preemie twins. Suddenly that perspective returned, and I realized that I have it really good right now. Really, really good. I have a nice little home, and we have been able to fix it up and make it our own. Today we had a gigantic rain storm and our basement didn't leak. I have a kind and loving husband and four wonderful, healthy children. We have income. We have the gospel.

I'm sure the dreams of owning a nice home will return. I'm sure that as I (literally) trip over children who have decided to sleep on my floor, I will wish for a home with more space. But I am trying, trying to remember the hard times and how lucky I really am.

I am horrifically behind on my journal keeping..... I would like to say it is because I have been so busy keeping my house immaculate or cooking 4 star meals, but no luck. I took a part time job at a gym child care center, and I have been working a lot to save money for my trip to Paris! As a result, the children are not having a fun, action packed summer. I keep telling myself that if we all suffer through July, we can party hard in August. They are very excited to spend three weeks with Grammy, and I am very excited to spend three weeks with my friend in France.

I do need to write a few updates. Daniel, at 17 months, has finally decided its time to walk. He still doesn't walk a lot, but he is doing more every day. Now I just need to teach him to talk! The shrieking has to stop. He is a funny baby, terrified of water. The other day I took him upstairs for his bath. As soon as we went in the bathroom, he started yelling "NA! NA!" and then tried to walk away quickly. When he realized his baby steps were slow, he got down and crawled away at lightning speed. When I finally chased after him, he was trying to get under my bed. As I carried him to the bathroom, he yelled "NA! NA!" the whole time, cried through the bath, and kept trying to stand up and climb out. I took the kids swimming last week and stood him up in the middle of the baby pool. He carefully walked to the side, climbed out, then crawled away on the hot cement. He really, really hated that pool! Daniel is a Daddy's boy and never wants me when Daddy is around.

James is a sweetheart, as always. He always wants to help so that I "don't have to do all the work." He is very concerned about this, and makes sure he is there with me any time I need it. He has recently developed an attitude, and with it, a mad face. I kept telling Jared about the mad face, but when he actually saw it, it was all he could do to control his laughter. James wrinkles up his nose and gives us the scowl of death - too funny. He can never stay mad for long. Usually, his temper tantrums are because he wants a cookie and I offer him a banana, or something of the sort. He will get mad, and insist on the cookie. I will tell him no, and he'll say "FINE. I'm having ice cream instead." I tell him no again, and get the angry face. He stomps away, then comes back and says "FINE. If I can't have a cookie or ice cream, I'll have an apple." He then takes and eats an apple, all the while really pleased at himself that he bested me and didn't eat a banana....

Claire is a whirlwind of energy, except when it is time to clean out the dishwasher. She knows where everything in the whole house is, and is the best person to fetch things for me. She has recently become annoyed at getting all these "extra jobs" so I have started asking Joshua to bring me things. Joshua can't find anything to save his life, even if it's in his hand. This annoys Claire to no end. He will keep coming back to me saying "I can't FIND the fingernail clippers." I will explain where they are for the third time, and Claire will finally sigh and say "I'll show you." She then goes and fetches anyway, and the whole charade with Joshua is for nothing. However, it makes her feel better that I ask Joshua to do things too....

Joshua is funny. He is annoyed that he has had to get up early every day of the summer.... I have to keep reminding him in the morning "You get to sleep in in only 9 days!" or 8 days or whatever the countdown is until the next "free" day. For some reason, this doesn't excite him. He was looking forward to a lazy summer, and this summer of me working is not what he had in mind. However, he has been in good spirits, particularly when I bribe him with a new Pokemon card for good behavior. He has recently become interested in playing chess, and the highlight of today was when I found an oversize outdoor chess board. His excitement was short lived when he realized nobody else knew how to play. I have a feeling learning chess is in my future....

Today is the last day of school, and it is bittersweet. On one hand, I am thrilled to be relieved of the pressures of school. I am excited to spend some time with my children. On the other hand, I am sad that the kids are growing up. I am sad to say goodbye to their wonderful teachers. I now have to entertain them ALL DAY LONG.

Both children came home with loads and loads of papers, awards, scraps, unfinished homework, everything you can think of. Dried out markers? Check. The classroom respect chart? Check? A poster made by another student? Check.

Claire, quite shockingly, won the quiet mouse award, for being the quietest student in the class. Now, how on earth is this possible? How can a child, whose livliness drives us crazy, who is saucy on the bus all the way to school, completely clam up at the door? I don't know, but I wish I knew the secret. I would use it at home.

I have made a deal with Claire. I am not going to bug her about her bedroom's messiness. All she has to focus on is keeping clean clothes in the drawers, and dirty clothes in the bucket. I told her I will overlook the other issues until she has mastered this. Then we will move on to the next task. Maybe by simplifying it for her, she will learn, step by step, how to keep her room clean. I was laying on her bed tonight - I could barely fit, for all the stuff she had piled on it. I was looking at the wall by her bed: on the wall, she has taped a poster sized lesson from her teacher, a few pieces of toilet paper (artfully torn), a ribbon, a row of stickers, and other random nonsense. This is all taped on her wall! I would have never done this - it would have driven me crazy at three years old. Where does she come from???? At least we have something to work on this summer.....

We own a book called The Baby Name Survey Book. The book is just as the title discribes - what surveyed people thought of different names. Claire found this book and first looked up Joshua. The image Joshua brings to mind is a handsome blond boy who is very sweet. She then looked up James. The image James brings to mind is a smart, aristocratic man. Then Jared - Jared is described as a quiet, well mannered youth from the Midwest. Claire was very happy with all this, exclaiming "Mommy, this book knows all about everyone! It's exactly right! I can't wait to see what it says about me." We turned to the appropriate page - Clare is described as a fat, sickly, homly old woman who is well-educated and quiet. Claire shrieked like a banshee when she read this. She then said "MOMMY! Didn't you look at this before you named me????"

This was not the end of the drama. She was devistated. She laid on the kitchen floor, weeping and wailing like the world had come to an end. She kept saying "There's NOTHING worse than being ugly! Nothing in the whole world!" I asked her if she would rather be mean or ugly? Mean, of course! Stupid or ugly? Stupid, duh! Because nothing, nothing is worse than being ugly. I told her that at least it said she was well-educated, which meant she was smart. She replied "I am NOT smart. If I were smart, I wouldn't be fat! I would know which foods to eat and how to exercise. So I am NOT SMART!" She was not going to let up on all this. She finally decided she couldn't be Claire anymore, and demanded to be called Lexi. So we looked up Lexi, who was described as downright nasty. Claire really lost it then. She even took a pen and crossed out the definiton by her name.

As Claire was scribbling away with the pen, she happened to notice there was a second definition, for Claire spelled with an I. She quickly read it aloud: Claire is described as a tall, attractive regal woman who is very kind and very independent. All was well with the world again, and Claire quickly recovered her composure. "See?" she said to me. "The book wasn't wrong at all, Mommy, you just have to know how to spell!"

Claire just tenderly put her arms around me and said "Even though you're not as beautiful as me, you're still a nice person." When I started to laugh, she said "But you're still beautiful a little bit - I mean a lot!"

A friend's baby just died, and I explained the situation to the children. I told them that the baby's body wasn't doing well, and that had he lived, he wouldn't have walked or talked. I told Joshua that the baby was having problems in his brain, just like Joshy after his first brain surgery. Joshua asked me if I thought the baby had a choice whether or not to live or return to his Heavenly Father. I said I thought he had a choice. Joshua said if it had been him, and he was going to suffer without end, he would have chosen to live with Heavenly Father too. He knows too well the kind of sufferiing I'm talking about. I am sad that the baby passed away, but thankful that he's not suffering and with a loving Heavenly Father.

Tomorrow is Claire's Birthday...

Claire is a very high maintenance birthday girl. Last week she was worried that Jared hadn't bought her anything. I asked why, and she said she hadn't noticed him sneaking anything around. She would notice too. The girl notices EVERYTHING.

Saturday she reminded me that last year I didn't hang crepe paper. Here's last year's decorations - she had taken matters into her own hands, cutting paper into strips, coloring it then taping the strips together. She then twisted them and taped them on the walls. In order to avoid having to decorate herself again this year, she brought me the crepe paper from the party box in the basement and instructed me that our Saturday project would be to hang her decorations. I told her we would do it Sunday night, and she said that was too much work for the Sabbath, so lets just do it now and make sure it actually gets done.

Today she reminded me that last year on her birthday, she came downstairs to find a plate of lemon poppy seed muffins. On them was a note that read "Happy Birthday. Help yourself." She instructed Jared to make cinnamon rolls (from scratch) and leave them on the table with a similar note.

She asked me today if she would have a new dress to wear to school on her birthday. I told her we could probably work something out. She then asked if she didn't like the dress, could she open a different present in the morning? Maybe a second dress?

I let the children pick their birthday menu. Claire insisted I buy orange soda, even though we happen to have Root Beer. She reminded me the Root Beer was my choice, not hers. I had to buy her corn dogs (she was slightly disappointed that I bought mini ones), cheetos, ice cream bars, and the said Orange Crush.

I am bringing cupcakes to school tomorrow. Claire got very demanding with these. She wanted cupcake size cheesecakes, topped with chocolate ganache, crumbled oreos, and gummy worms. Here's where I had to FINALLY put my foot down. I made regular chocolate cupcakes, regular chocolate frosting, but I did cover them with crushed oreos and gummy worms (worms in the dirt cupcakes!) After I explained how much work the cheesecakes would have been, she conceded.

I would get annoyed, but she is not actually acting greedy with her demands. She is being very sweet, and is just soooo excited it is brimming over. I am trying to contain my laughter as she carries on - tonight she said it was too close to her birthday for her to do any chores.

I just mentioned that I can't remember the last time I had a haircut. Claire piped up "It was during Veronica's birthday party, so it was in January. Yes, January 29th, and her birthday was January 27th." So there you have it - my last haircut was January 29.

Happy Mother's Day! Before I go to bed, I have to share. Joshua and Claire have been begging to pack their own school lunches. I told them they can each pack lunches once a week. Today I realized I will have to set standards. This is what Joshua packed for himself:

A chocolate milk box

A large bag of large marshmellows

A sliced apple with carmel dip

1 package of little debbie chocolate and peanut butter bars (2 in package)

6 chocolate cookies

A ziploc bag full of butterscotch chips

No wonder he wouldn't let anyone in the kitchen, and didn't want me to check his lunch. For this one time I am leaving it as-is, with the exception of the chocolate cookies. I removed all but one, as I want cookies too! In the future, they will have to pack a fruit, a veg, one small dessert (as in one hershey kiss), a grain and a dairy. I will have to make a checklist. He is going to come home with a tummy ache tomorrow!

This morning Claire and James decided to be best friends. They decided to share a room, something I have been threatning to get Claire to keep her room clean. Claire gave James "best friend bracelets" which he wore all day long (although I wish he wouldn't - they are neon pink and too big, so they fell off all day, leading him to yell "Oh, no, I lost my pretty bracelet!")

I cut James' fingernails today, and he said he wished he was a girl so he could have long nails. He also periodically asks if he can wear makeup, and today he asked if boys can get their ears pierced. I believe this is all the result of having an older sister who pays attention to him and influences him a little too much. I do take comfort in the fact that he continually has crushes on little girls. He is going to make an excellent husband. He will be sensitive to the feelings of his wife, and also be able to buy her shoes!

Last night for dinner we took our children to Ikea. It was Wednesday rib night, Jared got off work early, and I had some stuff to return. It worked out beautifully. Jared and I sat at a big table and the kids sat next to us at a kids table. Another set of kids were there, and all the children struck up a conversation about my favorite topic: STAR WARS! This older boy decided he and Joshua should play a trivia game, so the boy was quizzing Joshy on all sorts of random Star Wars info (I believe this all started because it was Star Wars day - May 4th. You know, as in May the 4th be with you.)

So the boy asked Joshua what the difference between a Storm Trooper and a Clone Trooper was. He gave a hint that it started with a H. I was shocked that I figured out the answer - helmets. Joshua thought for a second and gave a totally different answer - heritage. I guess that one works too. Jared and I got a good laugh about it. I didn't know Joshy knew that word.

Tonight I did something new - something I have never, ever done but Jared has done plenty of times. I will never chastise him for it again. I reached in Daniel's drawer, pulled out PJ's and a diaper and got him ready for bed. I didn't even notice until I laid him in his crib that he was wearing James' PJ's. I put them in the wrong drawer after I did laundry. Normally, this is something I would notice right away. I would never actually put the wrong clothes on a child, and I would never keep them on without noticing. I don't know where my mind was tonight.... the PJ's were wayyy to big, but I was too lazy to change Daniel, so he is wearing them!

Clairey has become concerned that all of her friends have their ears pierced. I asked her if she wanted her ears pierced, but she said no due to fear of pain. I am not surprised - Claire is many things, but tough she is not. She picked out a very odd outfit last week, and I asked her what she was wearing. She looked down and said, very matter of factly, that she was dressed like a rock star. I asked her why she had to dress oddly. She said "Don't you know? I am interested in FASHION!" I do know.

James just told me "You look beautiful when you wear the ring I gave you. You look even more beautifuller when you have your claws painted too!"

The ring is sweet - James was at the mall with Grammy when one of the kiosks was having a going-out-of-business sale. Grammy was buying necklaces for her mother when James asked if they could buy something for Mommy as well. The worker was compassionate and gave James a glass ring to give me! James loves it when I wear the ring - he says it can remind me of how much he loves me. What a sweet gesture.

There's only one reason my "claws" are painted - Jared did it! Jared was shopping (for himself) at Ulta and bought me some nail polish. He then painted my nails for me. Apparently, Jamesy likes it too!

Joshua is recovering beautifully from surgery. He is never nicer than when he is sick or injured. I love this time with him! Not that I would wish illness upon him, but he never lays down and snuggles me normally.... Luckily, we have tonsils next month, so more nice Joshy is coming.

Today is Easter and we had a perfect day with our children. It started a little early - Claire came in my room before 6 am and then proceeded to tell me the time every two minutes. "Mommy, its 5:58..... Mommy, it's 6:01.... Mommy, it's 6:03.... can we get up NOW?"

We finally got everyone downstairs at 7:30. Jared wisely decided that he and I should get ready first - smart move. If we don't do it first, we can't seem to get it done (particularly with 9 am church). The kids got toothbrushes, undies, and bubbles in their baskets, along with a good amount of candy. Yes, MOTHER, in spite of what you may say, I gave my children PLENTY of candy.

Did I already write the funny underpants story? Claire saw her Easter Bunny underwear and said "HANNA ANDERSSON UNDIES? The easter bunny must be RICH!" This is only funny because Claire is soooo picky about her undies - they can't have exposed elastic, a tag, etc etc. Supposedly Hanna Anderson makes the "world's softest underwear." I figured that since she is picky and these were a gift from the Easter Bunny I would splurge and I paid $16 for three pairs of undies. She then saw them in a catalog and said "$16 for undies! Who in the world would pay that? That's crazy!" I laughed and lauged at the irony so I was excited to see her reaction this morning. The cream on the cake is... at the end of the day, she didn't think they were that soft! Next time I'm going back to Target for her underpants!

Claire is the only one who got new Easter clothes (the joy of being the only girl!) I bought her matching "dollie and me" dresses from BJ's. She was very excited to find that the E.B. had found and dressed her doll, and left it with her Easter basket. She actually figured out right away, as the doll was missing from my dresser this morning (she had lost it for keeping her room messy). Here's the scary part - Claire fixed her hair just like the doll and they were wearing matching dresses. The doll looked exactly like her! They could have been a page straight out of the American Girl magazine. I will have to post pictures later - it was eerie.

The boys had a good easter as well. Joshua had a difficult time finding eggs. Claire had to find ways to help him such as move eggs into plainer sight. He did find eggs and feel good about himself, so that's the important part, right? James was a good finder on his own, and Daniel just kept dropping eggs on the floor. I am so, so thankful to be able to spend today with my family!

Yesterday I told James he had to take a nap. He proclaimed "I don't want to take a nap!" to which I dryly replied "I'm aware."

James thought for a second, then said "Mommy, I didn't know you're a werewolf!"

Another story for my arse-anale.

So I have a variety of pictures of my children sleeping. Some are sweet, but the majority are funny. I got a great new one tonight.

The boys' room is very, very small. As a result, I bought a loft bed for Joshua, and put a mattress on the floor under it for James. The "bunk bed" is not very tall, and the top bunk is armpit level (on me). It is on the wall with the door, and the end of the bed is right next to the door frame.

Tonight, I opened the door to check on the boys. I was first assulted by the smell of Daniel's stinky diaper, but to add to the humor, Joshua was sleeping on the door end of his bed. Not only that, he was sleeping on his stomach with his legs curled up under him. Thus, his bottom was sticking up in the air, right in my face!!!! I had to laugh, get Jared, and grab my camera. I will try to add pictures later. Seriously, his butt was six inches from my nose, and combined with the smell of the diaper, it was quite funny!

The kids are doing well. Daniel refuses to walk, even though he is 14 months old. He can stand in the middle of the floor, but refuses to take a step. I am fine with it, as he is my baby and I want to keep him that way. Claire is busy, a tornado of mess, mess, mess. She will drive me crazy with the messes! James is sensitive and sweet. Joshy is anxious about his upcoming surgeries. I feel bad for him.

I do not have realistic views of how much time is in a day. I always think that I have plenty of time, little planned, and that I am as free as a bird. Wrong, wrong, and wrong again! Just a few commitments keep me running.

I do a co-op preschool with other mothers in the ward. This is wonderful - I only teach every 6 weeks and get free mornings on Tuesday and Thursday. I use these mornings to run errands. I also schedule several appointments per week regarding Joshua. Between doctors, school meetings, etc etc etc, he keeps my life really busy. Then there's all the extra stuff. I was really priding myself on keeping Joshua's schedule simple, since he becomes so easily overwhelmed. I was so proud until I realized that he has piano on Monday, karate on Tuesday, scouts on Wednesday, track on Thursday, soccer on Saturday, and primary on Sunday. Okay, so I can pride myself on keeping Friday free. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?

I also, in thinking that my schedule was so empty, got a job. I now work in the child center at Lifetime Fitness. They only asked me for 10 hours a week. No problem, I thought. 10 hours a week, and I am a stay-at-home mom who can take my children to work. No problem at all. So then they pulled out the schedule. First off, I ex-ed out Tuesday and Thursday, since I deal with preschool those days. Then Monday, because the kids have a half day and I couldn't fit in a shift. Then they asked about evenings. Again, no problem. Except Monday is Family Home Evening, Tuesday Jared works at church, Wednesday is scouts, Thursday and Friday Jared works late.... so basically, Lifetime Fitness, I can work whenever you want, so long as it's Wednesday and Friday morning.

I just finished my second shift. I take James and Daniel with me, and both of them stick to me like glue. So, for 5 hours I play with only my own kids and they pay me to do it. I guess that works out. I tried playing with other kids, but holding Daniel and talking to James made my efforts ineffectual.

And then there's the doctors appointments... lets just say I'm glad I have a strong Ward family. I used to try to be superwoman and take all my kids to all the appointments. We were all miserable, and I would leave realizing I only discussed half of what I needed to say. So now, I ask everyone to watch my kids, and all the time too. Would they like me to return the favor? Sure, and I am available any time! Except..... oops, do you need someone for Monday morning?

My children have their lives figured out, which I am thankful for, because I still have not figured out MY life. Joshua wants to be a school councillor when he grows up. I think this is the absolute perfect fit for him. He is excited because he never has to work on Sunday, will get summer and spring break to spend with his family, and he is interested in the work. He continually asks me what he has to do to become a school councillor. Does he have to go to college? What about grad school? Will they pay him? (I had a good laugh about that one). He was ecstatic to realize he got to do what he wanted and got paid too! Then he wondered how much he would get paid, and could he ask the school councillor how much money he earned? Joshua said it had to be enough to live in a big house and support his eight children, or less if that's what his wife wanted. Then he said "Maybe I should ask Rachel tomorrow if eight is okay. But that would scare her, so I'll wait until we're grown up."

Jamesy wanted to be a firefighter, until Joshua told him a firefighter was NOT a good choice because they have to fight fires on Sunday, and also it's really dangerous. James reconsidered and decided he wants to become a doctor so he can take care of people. James is both smart and empathetic, so I think he would be a kind, loving doctor. James said he wants to work close to where I live. His plan is that I will come to his doctor's office, and he can take me out to lunch. He said that I can drive to the restaurant so that he can take a little break in the middle of the day, but he would use his "doctor money" to buy me lunch. He says "I will LOVE to eat lunch with my Mommy when I'm a grown up!" This is sweet and flattering. I would love it too.

Claire is less realistic than the boys. A few years ago she wanted to be a sheep when she grows up. She still (jokingly) says that occasionally. However, her newest plan is to be a cowgirl policeman. She says that I will have to move to the West, where the cowgirl policemen live. She does NOT want to live with me - she will need her own home with her own family and own things. However, she conceded to living next door to me, so I can help with the cooking, cleaning and childcare. James didn't like this idea, because that means he will have to move to the West, so that he is close enough to me to take me out to lunch. But, when pressured by Claire, he said the West was fine.

DanDan continues to shriek like a banshee all through dinner. It is really unnerving all of us. I think I am going to have to start feeding him early, and banishing him to his crib during meals. The shrieking makes it impossible to enjoy a meal. He is such a nice baby, but I think I need to take and post a video.

Tonight I read Chicka Chicka Boom Boom to Daniel, and memories of early motherhood came flooding back.

Joshua and Claire are very close in age, so I was forced to put Joshua in a big boy bed at a very young age, in an effort to free up the crib for the new baby. Now, as a more seasoned mother, I can see that I was trying to move him along waaaaay to early. I started moving him over at about 18 months of age, long before he was ready, and as a result, I had to lay down with him every night for months. I laid there with him for a long time every night, and we read book after book as part of my lame effort to get him to sleep.

At this point in life, I did not have the hundreds of childrens books I have now. Thanks to grandparents, I did have some selection, but Joshua's favorite book actually came out of a Cheerios box. It was a flimsy paperback by the name of Chicka Chicka Boom Boom. He loved Chicka Chica Boom Boom. He adored Chicka Chicka Boom Boom. He roared with laughter over Chicka Chicka Boom Boom. I read Chicka Chicka Boom Boom to him hundreds of times.

One night, when pregnancy exhaustion got the best of me, I fell asleep before Joshua, and in a fit of boredom he ripped up Chicka Chicka Boom Boom. I dutifully taped it back together, only to have a sippy cup dump on it and completely soak it a few weeks later. Still, we dried out Chicka Chicka Boom Boom and loved it more.

Not much later, I was at a library used book sale when I found a hardback, full size copy of Chicka Chicka Boom Boom. I was delighted! The bigger Chicka Chicka Boom Boom became a staple at our house, and all of my children loved it.

Many years ago, my sister and her children came to visit. Her oldest daughter Kate was still a toddler, and Kate ripped several pages of our "new" Chicka Chicka Boom Boom. Of course I taped it back together, but Joshua reminded me for about two years after that he didn't do it, Kate did.

Tonight as I read Chicka Chicka Boom Boom to Daniel I noticed that the tape in the book is turning yellow and brittle, and I started to panic. Is time really going so fast that my repair is already showing age? Are my children growing so quickly that in another blink of an eye Daniel will be almost nine, and I will have no one with whom to enjoy Chicka Chicka Boom Boom?

Then I realized something - Joshua was leaning over the top bunk and laughing hysterically as I read Chicka Chicka Boom Boom to Daniel. Eight years has not dimmed his personality - he is still the same Joshua, although in a bigger package. I shouldn't panic over the inevitability of my children growing up. I need to remember to cherish each moment, embrace the change, and enjoy them for who they are. And, of course, remember the important things, like reading Chicka Chicka Boom Boom.

James just said "UGGG! My pull-up is a little bit wet. Why can't I keep it dry all night???? Mommy, I think you need to start waking me up to use the bathroom. You can come in my room, touch my back, and gently whisper in my ear 'Jamesy, you need to use the bathroom."

I thought this was all too funny. At least he's interested in having dry nights!

I am becoming increasingly aware of Daniel growing up. He already likes to tease, and will rarely kiss me when I ask. He almost never kisses me on his own, which made me question yesterday.

I was holding him up near my shoulder. I can't tell if he got bobble-headed or excited or what happened, but he head butted me. It was pretty hard, so I grabbed my forehead and said "OW!" He got a shocked look on his face, then reached over and kissed me.

I decided this must be a coincidence, as a 13 month old couldn't possibly have empathy and kiss me better. Then it happened again today. He was standing next to me on the couch, accidently head butted me, then kissed me better when I said "OW!" I don't know if it really is empathy, or that he has learned that you get a kiss when you get hurt.

Regardless, I decided to test him. Later this afternoon I was holding him and I said "OW!" just to see what he would do. He didn't kiss me. He wouldn't even kiss me when I asked him for it. I am choosing to believe that Daniel is super-brilliant and super-sweet and is kissing me because he realizes that he hurt me.

As with the ebbs and flows of the tide, we have ebbs and flows of doctors appointments. We are going through massive amounts of appointments for Joshua, so it was doubly annoying to have to take Daniel this week.

Monday night Daniel started acting weirdly: he was fussy (he never fusses, he shrieks) and he wanted to be held (very uncharacteristic). I snuggled him on the couch, in a way thankful for the odd behavior that forced me to sit down and spend time with him. Finally, I took his temperature and found it was 103.8.

The next day I assumed he was better and ran an errand at the mall. I noticed he was a little flushed when we got there, so I took off his jacket. He was being really, really still and quiet in the stroller, so I checked on him, only to discover the "high fever face": glassy, puffy eyes, gray skin and flushed cheeks.

Of course, I panicked in the mall, having wayyyy too much experience with high fevers (thank you, Joshua and meningitis!). I stripped him down to a onesie. I literally ran through the mall to Target (hurray for Target!), grabbed a bottle of baby Advil, ripped it open, and gave him a dose. Then I grabbed a package of juice boxes and ripped one of those open too. Luckily, Daniel had just learned how to drink out of a straw - I put one in his mouth last week, and when he didn't figure it out I made a sucking motion with my mouth. He laughed at me, then tried it and it worked! So, since he could drink out of a straw, Daniel got his first ever juice at the mall. We then went home, and I wondered how people judged me as I took my baby out to the car, wearing only a onesie in the 40 degree weahter.

I then called the doctor. Of course, they could only get me in at 4:20. This meant I had to take all my children.... which I avoid, so I asked the neighbor to keep Joshua.

This story, believe it or not, has a point and the point is this: while at the doctor I bit Daniel's finger. Really, really hard. Here's how it went down: The doctor was behind schedule and we had to wait for forty minutes in a teeny, tiny exam room. Daniel was nicely sitting in my lap and for the most part Claire and James were good. Until they weren't. I can't remember what they were doing that made me angry, but I have this habit of clenching my jaw when I am trying to control my temper. Since I was so angry that the world was turning red, I didn't even notice that the sick baby that had been patting my face had his finger in my mouth. I was so red with anger that I didn't even hear his shrieks or feel his finger between my teeth.

When I finally unclenched and did a damage assessment, it wasn't too bad. He quit crying almost immediately. But still, had the doctor noticed the marks, how would I have ever explained that one??????

My new baby, or New-New as we call him, is growing up. In my head I think of him as a little tiny boy and treat him accordingly. However, he has different ideas and it's both exciting and sad to see him growing up!

He has had a runny nose and I am continually asking the other children to bring me a tissue for New. Two days ago I saw the need and asked James to bring me a tissue. Daniel looked at me and started yelling "NNNNNNNN" and shaking his head NO wildly! It was shocking and entertaining. I guess he understands what "tissue" means!

Today I took Joshua to the opthamologist, an appointment that ended up taking three hours. Needless to say, the kids got restless. Daniel started doing the Daniel special, an earslitting, glass breaking shriek! I started shushing him, only to have him stop screaming, smile and say "SSSSSSSS" to me. He thought it was really funny to mimick me.

Daniel is also starting to follow directions, including "come" and "give that to me," or not following them, depending on his mood. He will occasionally give kisses when asked, but not frequently. I just can't believe that my new baby is doing all this!!!! He did just turn one, but this is all making me sad!!!!

I got to call poison control tonight. It says something about my skills as mother that not only did I have the phone number memorized, they called me by name. It sucks to be inadequate.

Today's "incident" was my own fault. I am giving Claire, James and Daniel all Tamiflu to reduce the duration and severity of the flu. They are all on Motrin to reduce fever. James is using nebulizers to help him breathe. Now, how could I screw all that up? Apparently, Claire and James are supposed to take Tamiflu twice a day, and Daniel is only supposed to take it once a day. I have been giving it to Daniel twice a day as well, and when I realized my error, I thought it best to call and make sure he would be okay. They said he would be fine. Still, it sucks.

The suckiness continues. At bedtime, Claire needed a bath. James wanted to take a bath too, but Claire wouldn't let him get in with her. No problem, I put James in the other bathtub, then ran back and forth between them. Normally, I put Daniel in his bumper jumper so I don't worry about him, but tonight I didn't, and worrying about whether he was going to fall down the stairs or fall in the bath added to my stress. I managed to get both kids bathed and out of hte tub when chaos hit.

Claire wrapped herself in a towel, then curled up in the hallway. I asked her about six times to go get dressed, then I got frustrated and raised my voice. She started wailing because I used a "strong voice" with her, and wouldn't get dressed. She screamed from her room that I had broken her heart, disappointed her, etc etc.

I realized how badly Joshy needed to bathe, and told him to go get in the shower. He started crying because he was tired and already had pajamas on, and I had to fight to get him to do it. In his frustration, he hit James, so James was soaking wet and sobbing in his bedroom. Daniel, wonderful baby, was happy in his crib at this point, but all three of the others were sobbing. Loudly.

When it was time for Joshua to get out of the shower, he wouldn't. He curled up in the bottom of the empty bathtub, shivering, demanding that I carry him out and dress him because he had already done it once. I got James in bed, and he reminded me that beloved green blankie was in the dryer. I told him I would bring it. I did end up dressing Joshua, because I was so finished with kids and wanted him to get in bed. Claire threw a massive tantrum because I removed the DVD player from her room. She yelled that I was the worst parent ever and that she hated me. She fell asleep crying.

By the time I got everyone in bed, I was exhasted. I settled down with a funny episode of the Big Bang Theory and chocolate, trying to forget about everything. I felt HORRIBLE an hour later when a sad little voice said "Mommy, did you get it?" I could not figure out what "it" was and had to ask. The answer was a tearful "Green blankie. I've been waiting and waiting."

Okay, I have a lot of catching up to do. A week and a half ago (Friday, Jan 21) I got a sore throat. So did Joshua. Joshua was sick for two days with sore throat and achy body, I am just now getting better. Last week Jared got sick, and he actually missed work! He never, ever does that. We just figured out that we've all had the flu.

Well, a mother's life doesn't stop for the flu. While Jared was laid out flat, I was running errands, going on a job interview, taking care of everyone, etc. Last week we had three snow days. The first one was Wednesday and I thought, since there was very little snow, to do something for the kids. I got them ready and dragged my miserable, achy body to the mall. I really wanted them to have fun, so I endured it. We ate at McDonalds, went to the Lego store, found Claire a new lunch box, lost James, got Claire a new outfit to replace her ruined Christmas outfit.... Did I mention we lost James? He was with us one second and gone the next. It was my fault - I counted someone elses child as we went into the Disney store. Because I still thought this other child was James (he was playing on the other side of the display), I didn't realize James was gone for about two minutes. When we did realize, I took off in a mad dash, yelling his name in the corridor. After about two more minutes, a woman told me that a lost boy with a striped shirt was at Gymboree. I ran back down the hall (abandoning the other three) to find James huddled in the corner of a bench outside Gymbo, crying. A mother with a little boy of her own was comforting him, and about five other adults were huddled around! I felt terrible. He had gone in the wrong store, and when he couldn't find me, he did what James does - put his face in the corner and hid silently. Luckily this mother pulled him out of the corner and comforted him until I came. This is the second trip to the mall in a row where I have taken all 4 and lost one.

I figured there was no sense in rushing home, since we had nowhere to go, no deadline, and nothing had to be done. This never, ever happens, so I decided to just enjoy the time. BIG MISTAKE. What I did not know was there was ANOTHER storm on the way. To make matters worse, the government dismissed early in anticipation. So the government dismissed at 3 pm, I left the mall at 3:30, and the storm started at 3:28. The roads had been pretreated the day before, but the last storm (the one that cancelled school) had washed it all away.

I sat in traffic like I had never, ever sat in traffic. This comes from someone living in the DC suburbs, which says a LOT. There was total and complete gridlock. The snow started falling with a fury, further making things miserable. As the snow began piling up, so did the cars. Cars were getting stuck everywhere. I sat, and sat, and sat. I sat so much that my van began looking like a parked car and I had to actually get out and scrape my windows, including the windshield. Snow was piling on top of the car, and as I inched forward, it fell on the windshield and bogged the wipers down. Of course, I was insensibly wearing slip-on shoes and my feet got very cold and wet. After about the eighth time of getting out to scrape, I was getting used to it.

It was taking sooooo long on the main road that I decided to use a side road. I went along for a while, not remembering that the side road ended in a hill. This was already three hours into the journey. Well, of course I got stuck on the hill. I could not get my van to move. I tried low gears, I tried reverse, I tried everything. I was stuck, stuck, stuck! I didn't know what to do. I about cried when a man pulled his car over, got out, and put his shoulder to the wheel. Then another good Samaratin, and another. It took three men to get me up the hill, and a whole lot of prayers by my children. I am so thankful for these men, and I couldn't even tell them, because once they got me going, I couldn't stop to say anything.

While on the side road, stuck in traffic, Jamesy had to go to the bathroom. He had started complaining right after we got in the car, and I told him we would be home soon. I was wrong. After a few hours I realized I had to help him. Since we were stopped, I climbed in back, unbuckled him, opened the sliding door and had him stand in the van and pee out the side. He thought it was the best thing ever. Trying to make the best of the situation, we called it coloring the snow. I was surprised Joshua never asked for a turn!

As time went on, the kids began to get hungry. All we had were two broken rice cakes of Daniel's. I gave the kids each pieces and crumbs, which made them thirsty without quenching hunger. We had nothing to drink. I am going to make an emergency kit for my car.

We learned and played 20 questions. We listened to the radio - something I never allow my children, but we needed distraction. We found one song they thought was funny, and when we got bored we flipped through the station hoping to find it. We probably listened to it nine times. Claire also invented "window art" and every time their windows got foggy she said "Everyone, window art time!" They passed around the one book in the car, James napped for a while, and at 8:30 Daniel fell asleep (yes, you read it correctly: 8:30!!!!) Daniel never made a peep - he just looked around, played with his pacifier, and finally fell asleep.

We had a good talk about suffering. We discussed that everyone was in the same bad situation: we were all hungry, all thirsty, all tired, all bored, most had to go to the bathroom. But, since there was nothing we could change, whining did not help anyone. We adapted a strict no-whining policy, and the children did surprisingly well. We tried our best to make it fun!

As time passed the storm got worse and worse. Cars started getting stuck everywhere. People ran out of gas or became totally stuck and had to abandon their cars in the middle of the road. There were fender benders everywhere, with no emergency vehicles in sight. It was mass pandemonium. In some spots, every single car without 4 wheel drive had to be pushed (thankfully, at that point I was going down the hill, not up, so I was an observer). Because I was stopped there, I saw car after car get pushed up, hour after hour. I don't know who these pushers were, or where they came from, but I am thankful to them.

I finally began to have hope as I saw the stoplight to our road. It still took me an hour and half to get to the road once I could see it. Once I got to the stoplight, I turned left as soon as traffic cleared, regardless of the red light. Lights were kind of a joke with the gridlock and no movement. I had decided that once I got on our street, if I couldn't get down it, I was going to abandon car and walk home with the kids. Luckily, since the snowplows couldn't get onto the gridlocked main streets, the plow had done our street! I drove home only to get stuck trying to park the car. Luckily, I had a big strong man to come out of the house and dig me out (he was burning with fever, but then again, so was I!)

It was 9:30 before we got home, for a grand total of 6 hours in the car. We went 5.6 miles. I pity those who didn't get home until 4 am, or those who ran out of gas and got stuck at 24 hour doughnut shops! Or those who turned off their engines because they were low on gas, and had to sit in the cold. Or those who slid and wrecked their cars. I saw all of this, and in spite of our difficulties, I am thankful we fared so well.

So, on with the illness saga. Sunday night Claire suddenly didn't feel well, wouldn't eat dinner or help Jared make the special meal they had planned. She went upstairs during dinner, and I found her curled in the fetal position in the hall. It turns out her fever was 104 degrees! Yesterday her fever was lower, but today it was 103.5. I suddenly remembered TamiFlu, which reduces the severity and duration of the flu. It has to be in your system within 48 hours of onset, and I was almost out of hours. Of course, the pediatrician couldn't get her in, so I rushed her to the CVS Minute Clinic, where she got a positive test result for flu. She got her prescription (an hour later, as the pharmacy lost it!!!!) She is now sleeping in her bed, and I am thankful the medication could save her from the agony we experienced.

So, here's the Jared funny story - Saturday night I bought him a nighttime cold medicine drink. He took it and slept until 5 pm on Sunday, at which point he was awake and totally loopy. Sunday night I caught him making himself another packet of drink. I asked him what he was doing, since he had planned to return to work Monday. He said it helped him sleep, and he needed help. I took the drink away from him after just a few sips. Nevertheless, Monday he got sent home from work, not from being too sick, but for being drunk. They really thought he was totally and completely wasted. He acts wasted. I took a video of him, because he's so funny on cold medication. The kids were worried, as they couldn't figure out what had happened to Daddy.

So now, 12 days later, I am finally feeling decent. It has been a rough battle. Very very very rough. The kids have been home from school for a week (three snow days last week, two teacher workdays this week!) I wanted to provide them with fun and entertaining activities. The only one I got to was the mall, and we know how that turned out! I was too zonkered the other days. I feel bad - they have never watched so much TV in their lives! However, I did what I had to do, and now that I'm better, I can try to make life better for them as well.

Today is Daniel's first birthday. He has spent it at CVS. Now I am going to make him cupcakes. The poor boy is sick too, although not with a fever. I guess I can only do so much.

Okay, so I thought I would put some pictures on here, but some need explanation. The two of Daniel are funny - one is how he sits, which is never, ever on his behind. I've never seen a baby sit that way before. The other was the cause of my panic attack the other day: I went into his room to get him from his nap, only to see what I thought was dried blood on his head. It turns out that James had left a plastic candy cane full of M&Ms on a bookshelf, and Daniel had managed to grab it from his crib. The little stink got the candy cane open, dumped it out, devoured half the M&Ms, then happily fell asleep on a pile of candy. It was melted all over his head. I am just happy he didn't choke!

The one of Joshua and I is from Christmas day - Joshua made me that frame in scouts. I absolutely love it and it sits by my bed. It is a continual reminder of how lucky I am to have him! Claire's picture is also from Christmas, and James' is from his first day of Sunbeams. I am feeling really overwhelmed that my little baby is a Sunbeam!

After Joshua got sick, I decided I needed to do my research. My goal became to have a home where cancer cells won't grow. Odd, I know. However, it has become my quest. I want to do everything I can for my children, to make sure they have every chance of health and happiness.

I started simple - organic produce. It took some getting used to, budgeting, shopping around to figure out how to do it. Then I progressed and began making all of my own bread, with the thought that I needed to eliminate processed foods as much as possible. This is not always easy. I keep trying to eliminate more processed foods, and my family doesn't always appreciate it. Yesterday Jared laughed hysterically when he overheard Joshua on the phone saying "Grammy, macaroni and cheese out of a box is SO MUCH BETTER than homemade!"

I am also doing homemade chicken nuggets, organic meat (not always, but I'm working on it!), natural cleaning supplies (baking soda is wonderful but leaves a residue...) etc. So recently I have attacked our cosmetics. I am looking for all natural, free of parabans and philantates, etc. Basically, I am spending big money where I used to spend little money. However, if I spend enough time shopping around and get lucky on sales, it can be reasonable.

Anyway, I write all of this because of what happened tonight. Just after I had washed Claire's hair in all natural shampoo, Jared used a spray on lacquer IN THE DINING ROOM. Our whole house stinks and I have a nasty headache. I begged him not to do it, but he is obsessed with the pinewood derby and needed to spray a test piece of wood, and couldn't even wait until tomorrow when it wouldn't be snowing.

So now I am going to bed with a headache, the air full of carcinogens, wondering how much of the work I have done is now undone.

Last night I had a dream. My parents were old and nearing the end of their lives, and they wanted to spend their time where they had been the happiest. The bought the house I grew up in, and I went to help them move.

As the three of us sat around the kitchen table, we discussed all the happy chaos that room had brought. We laughed over the coats that were always on the chairs, backpacks at feet, the noise of the room at any given moment, and all the meals we had shared. We reminisced about the games we had played during dinner and all the company we had, including all the "he could be the one" boyfriends.

As we discussed this, I felt a huge amount of gratitude that I still had my family to raise, and for all the happy chaos surrounding me. I was thankful for our loud meals, crunchy floors, and backpacks in front of the door. Then I looked down. Instead of my hands, I saw old hands, wrinkled, spotted and scarred with age. Then I realized my time had passed, and all the happy chaos I loved had gone with it.

I woke up sobbing, thankful for the small amount of perspective I was given.

I frequently plan cleaning days - usually on a Friday. These days I have nothing on the agenda but giving my house a thorough scrub-down. It never happens. Usually the distraction comes in the form of a sweet three-year-old who puts his hand on my cheek and says "Mommy, I am just so tired. Could you lay down and snuggle me for my nap?" Now, how could I resist that? I always end up conking out as well.

Sometimes the distraction comes in the form of a sweet baby, who just wants to be held or have a marathon nursing session right when I want to clean. As he has been a finicky nurser, I have treasured these midday feedings, when he's not so distracted and we can just enjoy the time together.

Usually my 'deep scrub' days end up with me only accomplishing a few loads of laundry. I try to be okay with this. But there comes a point when ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.

Today is a cleaning day, and I am actually cleaning, except this break because I had to write about how nasty my house is. Every wall is covered in black hand prints. Every surface has a think layer of dust. Every light fixture has a decorative cobweb. So today I am scrubbing and it feels good!

As a mother I try to always choose the better part. I know in ten years the dust will be forgotten, but the naps where we just snuggled will be a treasured memory. I know that baby days come and go in a snap. So I am going to enjoy the fact that I threw out year old magazines today.

A few nights ago I couldn't find my pillow or slippers. The slippers I could live without, but I was miserable without my pillow. It's like my security blanket - I can't sleep without it! Sometimes, the kids take our pillows to build forts, but I couldn't find it in any of their rooms.

The next day, after a miserable night sleep, I asked the kids where it was. Joshua got a sheepish look on his face. The previous day, after a horrible fit of nastiness, he was sent up to time out on my bed (since Daniel was sleeping in the boys' room). Joshua decided to punish me, so he shoved my pillow and slippers under my bed. He was right, he did punish me.

I can't stand this passive-aggressive behavior, and unfortunately I have several people in my family who employ it. I don't know how to teach children not to do this. Joshua is particularly bad - if I put him on time out for 5 minutes, he'll stay for 15 just to show me!

James gets hurt

I had just settled down at the computer, breathing that huge sigh of relief that at long last, the children are in bed. Just as I started to relax, I heard crying (James) then I heard "It's okay, this is a REAL emergency. Mommy won't be mad" (Joshua).

Joshua then proceeded to say "Mommy, mommy, we have an emergency. James is bleeding!" James came to me for comfort, with one dot of blood on his middle finger. James was sobbing too hard to say anything, so Joshua filled me in on the details - James had been in Joshua's bed, and managed to cut himself on something.

I carried James upstairs to find Joshua standing there with his little green first aid kit and scout book. Joshua said to me "I'm taking care of this, I know just what to do." Then to James "Come with me - a loyal scout can take care of you." I told Joshua to hurry, less for the urgency of the situation and more because I wanted them to go back to bed. Joshua had been thumbing through the scout book for the page on caring for wounds, but he put it down and tended to James. He took James into the bathroom and proceeded to thoughouly wash James's hands with soap and water. Then he said "Mommy told me I had to hurry - you're lucky I memorized the whole scout book!"

I tried to contain my laughter as Joshua pulled a bandaid out of the little first aid kit and bandaged James up, then said "Mommy, this is just the opportunity I've been waiting for. I knew I needed to carry my first aid kit around!"

Jared, who is currently jerry-rigging a pinewood derby car, is bursting with pride. Joshua has already been planning to bring both is scout book and first aid kit with us to Disney World.

Another funny scouting story - every week for Family Home Evening Jared has been picking activities out of the scout book. Last week we did a post-Christmas review instead. As I tucked the kids in at bedtime, Joshua pulled the scout book out from under the covers, and with his little lip out, asked why we didn't do scouting for Family Home Evening. I am just thankful that he loves something other than the dreaded horrible Star Wars.