Halfway through our shopping experience, I began to realize I needed to use the bathroom. It wasn't urgent, and since the only bathroom is on the wrong side of the registers, I decided to wait. There have been many, many times I have abandoned a full shopping cart to rush children into the bathroom.... I figured I could be an adult and go after I checked out.
While checking out, my cell phone rang. The first of my herd of children was waiting at my house - I had confused times and the carpool had beaten me home! My decision to use the grocery store bathroom was waived in favor of waiting until I got home.
I rushed home, my poor bladder beginning to feel fuller all the time. There is a bathroom on the other side of the front door - I could just rush in, right? Wrong, wrong and wronger.... suddenly I had two screaming babies in need of attention. Ignoring the bathroom once again, I put the babies in their high chairs. I got the chicken nuggets out of the freezer, arranged them on a plate, and put them in the microwave. While they cooked, I poured two sippy cups of milk. I delivered the milk to the screaming heads, along with some Cheerios for pacification. Then I went out to the car for the first of my groceries. I brought the first load in, removed the nuggets from the microwave, cut them up and delivered them. Then I ran back out for my second load, then refilled the babies' nuggets, third load, nuggets, fourth load, nuggets and so on. It would be easier if the babies didn't shove everything in their mouths at once, and I could give them more than a few pieces at a time.
While the babies finished, I put the perishable groceries away. Then I wiped two faces, changed two diapers, and delivered two babies to their beds.
Now is it time to go to the bathroom? Perishables are put away, babies are put away.... it's time! My minute has come! I walk to the bathroom door, put my hand on the knob, and the front door opens! It's my beloved Jamesy home from preschool! Carpool number 2 has arrived. Welcome home Jamesy! Let me see your artwork! What did you learn about today? Oh, no, really? You got pushed off the trampoline? Your arm hurts? Let me look at it... it seems okay. You can move your wrist, fingers and elbows. We'll watch it - please let me know if it gets worse. Would you like an apple to feel better? Yes, I'll have one with you. Okay, we can dip them in carmel - just give me a minute.
Ten minutes later, I feel as though I am going to burst. NOW IS MY CHANCE! I put the TV on for Jamesy and enter the bathroom. I am ready. Only the bathroom is not ready for me.
The first problem: the toilet is plugged. Luckily, the plunger is in the kids' bathroom upstairs, and not the master bathroom (inaccessible by Taylor sleeping in the master bedroom). As I retrieve the plunger, I consider using the kids' toilet, but judging by its appearance, it needs a thorough scrubbing before my bottom can sit on it. I bring the plunger downstairs and get to work.
Finally, with the toilet plunged, I am ready to go.... until I realize someone has used the last of the TP and not replaced the roll (could this have something to do with the plugged toilet?) I replace the TP. As I am retrieving the TP from under the sink I notice that someone has unplugged the air freshener, leaving it on its side on our new granite countertop, and the oil is leaking out. I reach for a tissue to clean it up, only to realize the box of tissues is all gone. I retrieve a new box and replace it before cleaning up the spill. Then I replace the hand towel, which the last occupant left on the floor.
Finally, finally more than two hours after feeling the first urge, I am able to use the bathroom. It is actually a peaceful 30 seconds - no babies crying outside the door, no 5 year old letting them in.... the bathroom straightened up. I guess, if I wait hours for the perfect moment, it can be quite nice.
HA! So, so typical of motherhood. :-)
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